Alright. I'm going to vent for a quick minute, minus the quick part…..

This evening I was briefly listening to 88.7 (the only decent Christian radio station in Nashville that I have yet to come across) and I caught the last end of a discussion about dating. Normally I avoid this channel in the evenings because the evening DJ (Wally) says so many ignorant things that I end up completely frustrated. Tonight's discussion on dating was a similar situation.

Now I know that I have a lot of strong opinions, and seem to rarely share similar opinions with other people, but this is something I really believe and stand firm in regardless of disagreement.


Especially as a Christian radio station, touching on topics such as dating can be tricky. The portion that I caught was a word battle over male vs. female opinion on if you can get to know someone well as friends or if you have to go on dates. Now Wally's stance was "a guy doesn't hang out with a girl he isn't interested in" and the girl's stance, (not sure who she was), was that you can have guys that really are just friends and do not need to spend the time and the money investing in 'dating' to get to know somebody, you can get to know them well enough as friends first and see if something comes of it. (Yes there are always exceptions but I don't have the time or energy to go down those rabbit trails. Keep going ☺).

1. Why is this even an issue to be discussed on a Christian radio station? Not the issue of 'dating' but the issue of who was right. It escalated into a petty word play with passive-aggressive (chauvinistic) insults due to a difference of opinion that was completely unnecessary and did not glorify Christ in any way.

2. Wally mentioned that it was a male vs. female opinion, but I beg to differ. It's not a difference between a guy's opinion and a girl's opinion (note: I'm not disagreeing that male and female view things differently). This is an issue of spiritual maturity, wisdom, and discernment…. or lack there of.  Yes, God gives us desires such as relationship/marriage/family etc. HOWEVER, how many of us actually LISTEN to GOD'S desires and plans for our relationships? Instead we give authority to the emotional chaos of desire that emerges out of our attempt to fill these voids with what we see a fit solution. Tozer says; "So, we are not forced to obey in the Christian life, but we are forced to make a choice at many points in our spiritual maturity. We have the power within us to reject God's instructions- but where else shall we go? ...Our mistake is that we generally turn to some other human." (Hmmm….. idolatry? Just throwing it out there….)

3. The discussion [for us as well, but especially on a Christian radio station] should not be  'who's right and who is wrong about how to go about effectively dating as a Christian', but rather:
•    How do we, as Christians, continually align our hearts and desires towards God?
o    By prayer and petition for God to grow and cultivate those desires in us.
o    Holiness is understood as a derivative because we can never possess it on our own, it is a gift from God. We cannot work to earn it, it is given to us; we acquire it. We are made perfect through our imperfections.
•    (Leviticus 20:26) You are to be holy to me because I, the LORD, am holy, and I have set you apart from the nations to be my own.
•    (Deuteronomy 18:13) You shall be blameless before the LORD your God.
•    (2 Corinthians 7:1) Therefore, having these promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all defilement of flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God.
•    How do we make sure we are proactively searching for these things?
o    By surrounding ourselves with accountability to help encourage us, pray for and over us, and push us towards Godly relationships and call us out when our attention begins to divert, etc.


All of our relationships, friends, family, dating, marriage, even our enemies are all for one sole purpose: to be holy as the LORD our God is Holy. (Not that the person makes us holy, but that God uses our relationships as a tool in making us holy).  We have this over-romanticized notion of what relationships are and what they will do for us, how they will complete us. The REAL answer is these relationships won't do anything for us, they won't be romantically dramatic, and they won't complete us. We will still be lonely, we will still be disappointed and feel betrayed, and we will look to the next thing (or person) to fill our longing. We are flesh, we are selfish and we have expectations that people will never be able to meet. That's why we need God. It serves as a reminder that we leave God out, we disappoint God, and we betray God and view him as disposable as we are on to the next 'quick fix'.  It reminds us of how much grace WE require, and suddenly our need for compassion and forgiveness towards others begins to cultivate. We step out of our selfishness for one moment and extend the grace that we've been bestowed. This is a (small yet significant) step towards holiness.
We don't need to date around (we can, but we don't need to).  As we get to know Christ, he slowly begins to reveal facets of himself to us (that we will never full be able to understand). We begin to know Christ and who we are through Him, and therefore begin to honestly and confidently know ourselves. As our focus begins to zero in on Christ, past desires and temptations begin to lose power over us.  There's an old quote that has stuck with me for years, "Run after God and one day you'll look over and see who's running next to you."  As cliché as that sounds, I believe it whole-heartedly. There are so many 'red-flags' in life and in relationships that we either do not see because we lack discernment, or we choose not to see because we are selfish and acting solely from our desires (I'm going to lay it out there once more… idolatry).  When we get married we do not 'find' a soul mate, we will become soul mates because our hearts [should] be aligned together for one sole purpose: Holiness.
 
Of course there are many things to look for, but as we get to know each other the most important questions to HONESTLY answer for friends and relationships alike are:
(1)    Do they love Jesus and are they continually seeking holiness?
(2)    Do they love me (not eros love) and do they push me to continually remain focused on Christ and seeking holiness

Bottom line. That's it. It's that simple. If they and we are doing this, our relationships through Christ will enable us to become alive and not just merely surviving. And if we focus on getting these two concepts down, seeking holiness and encouraging others in love to seek holiness, everything changes. We focus on Christ and doing things for Him and not for ourselves (idolatry) and we encourage others to focus on Christ (and not be idolaters) and the core issue of our existence is being taped into, and we no longer need to treat the symptoms that are byproducts of the real, underlying issue.

Freedom. Real freedom.

Not easy, not 'fun', not fair, but liberating. 

It's not found in a spouse, but in Christ.  We need to stop worrying about dating and start dealing with all the garbage we accumulate just from life. I don't want a husband, I want a man who is seeking holiness and we join together on the walk at whatever time God ordains. To those of you who are currently on this walk with me, I love you. I appreciate you. I fail miserably and you are often times the grace of God in a tangible form. I'm honored, encouraged, re-fueled, and blessed by you. 

And my energy tank has officially hit zero. 
Nite. <3

http://www.iamsecond.com/

re-defined

As most of you know I've spent this weekend in Ohio. I photographed a wedding and hung out with some dear friends, but this visit has been different than usual. It's not home anymore. I feel more like a visitor. I say this not with negative connotation, my parent's home does and always will be a welcoming and peaceful place for however long I am an occupant; but even the familiar surroundings have lost their comfort I had grown accustomed to.

I am hesitant to assume that the relocating of all my possessions is the sole cause of this change, maybe, but i think it's more than that. Being in Ohio forces a trip down memory lane, which I make no apologies for being quite chaotic at times. I have changed so much and seeing old faces reminds me of the person I am to them, the person I use to be. To those who unyieldingly loved me through chaos I'm forever indebted.

My transition to Nashville was an overdue and welcomed one. I embraced it willingly and for the most part quite painlessly. Situations continually arise that allow me to grow, learning better faith and obedience even on a small scale. It's hard to believe I have already been living there for three months, yet life before seems almost a distant memory.

As I take advantage of free time on our porch with a book and attention-starved dog by my side, a breeze hinting of autumn joined in on our company. My soul felt at peace and re-energized.

One thing that has been a hot topic with those I am in closest-fellowship with, is this issue of who I am. Who WE are, and how we know that truly. This is something we all long for the answer to; but we don't want to understand the depth of the reality that comes with that answer due to the accompanying responsibility to embrace that reality. We've grown up with so many outside influences defining us without our consent and in many cases take their opinions verbatim instead of seeking out the truth.

With the sparing of details, I personally feel split. So much of who I am is contradictory to something else that is a part of me. I feel inconsistent while continually trying to find a balance to it all. Even with things as generic as being an extrovert vs. an introvert. 99% of peers would probably say I'm an extrovert, yet I don't feel as though that's true. Part of me feels like the surroundings I grew up in trained me to respond as an extrovert for survival. Maybe I'm so burnt out that I just don't want to be an extrovert and I'm convincing myself otherwise. Even now I'm not sure which side of the pendulum I would swing to and further exploration would be of no benefit.

I was recently reminded of the passage in Matthew: "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God"

Above all else is what I want to crave. To see God. In order to do that I need to be pure in heart, which is not by my own doing but through Christ alone. In conversations about this promise, God began reaffirming to me that to know who I truly am is to know Christ, because I am to be a reflection of Him. Knowing Christ it is a gradual process that requires of me continual change, so being able to accurately articulate who I believe that I am is really a waste of time, because if I'm growing in Christ and being made new in His likeness, a solid definition won't suffice for a fluid spirit and life in Him.

We have permission not to get wrapped up in the words we hold fast to and are defined by, in order to hold fast to Christ and be completely redefined by Him.

Recently God has been placing some things on my heart about jobs after graduation.
It's confusing, scary, and exciting.
I know He'll take care of me.

This semester has been a lot different.
There have been a lot of switches in my friends this semester.
Switch isn't really the right word.... sifting? yes.
There has been some sifting in my friends this year, and this semester especially there have been a lot of new people that I have begun building relationships with. 3.5 years we never talked and then we hit it off right before I leave. WHY?

Lord, I just want to be more open to you. In the now, For the Future, and In the future.

Calvary love is our standard

Serving people requires selflessness, and humbleness, and taking on the charachter of Christ so that we even have love and compassion for the people and social issues. And even with the people in our daily lives. We are all sinners, we are all in need of redemption and renewal constantly.

Anyone, believer or non, can be involved in taking action for social justice. The difference is that as faithful followers of Christ who have a heart and passion for missions (even in the social justice aspect, not just missional), our job is not just to meet the physical needs. That is what we need to do first, but unless we are also presenting the Gospel of our Savior Jesus Christ to meet their spiritual needs, we are doing nothing more than the non-believer with a good cause; that being to create a better environment for them to sin in.

Doing good works in the name of Jesus is too often the justification for not needing to live a life according to His example. It's a lot of talk, but no follow up when self sacrifice and indulgence is required. We are all sinners, and we all need grace. But until we can admit OUR need for grace, we won't be open enought to truely be effective ambassadors to the evangelical ministry that Jesus calls us to. If we are a diciple of Christ, evangelism should be our heartbeat, because Christ is our heartbeat and died to provide life for all us who are lost. Until we as Christians become less concerned with the unfairness of life situations and more concerned about the salvation of these people in the situations, we are not ministering but merely providing earthy relief.

I know there are very genuine and Christlike people involved in social justice, I'm just observing the other portion. Not everyone is called to social action, we all have a different place in the holistic mission of Christ. Social Justice isn't a trend, it's a calling. And as Coleman says, "every day that we are indifferent to our responsibilites is a day lost to the cause of Christ."

Jesus wants disciplined disciples, not well-informed believers.
Those who serve him will suffer, the cross is still the cross.

some things just get better with age